Room 220

So i did meet up with En during lunch today. There was no special moments and the first round, he came on very strong and cummed within minutes. I cant blame him, it must be the anticipation and I was very eager and slutty. As he entered the room i turned him round and we frenched for a short while, took off our clothes, more kissing, and a bit good old sucking - he was getting hard. I like it when he want me to lie back with my legs spread , as he put on the cap, and insert his manhood into me. It was all pain - only after a while did I ease off, but before I can enjoy the sex he cummed.


As I relished his touch, my body is overcome with pain, both physcially and within.
I am not sure if I am afraid to lose him, and I know I should not even think of it this way. Somehow , I feel the excitement has waned off from him, as it was tough to arouse him second round . Strangely, he tried to doggy me without a cap - understand what is heck-care now.

Last as he fucked me from behind, it feels good again, and it ripples through my body .


But I got my cuddles and good bye kisses, he was rather tender to me. However, I was feeling so upset when we have to go, that it was showing so clearly on my face - probably it was the fear of there will not be a next time - somehow the 'freshness' just seems not there anymore, for him.


As we ended our session, strangely he decided not to hv lunch together and drop me off alone. I just wanted more time with him though, I think. No maybe not, I have no idea what I really really want, from him.

I should just enjoy the good times, while it last. and Good times usually dun last :(

 
It has been a while, in fact, I am almost counting, everyday, for 3 months how long I have not been entering the blogs. A lot of thoughts, mainly negative have been accumulated since, April, on my life. Perhaps, as I put it to a friend, that it is the middle of the year and nevertheless a reflection time of how one have fared, and I have fared terribly. I guess the only consolation is that I have a place now, I can call my own. That is really something so unexpected , so unplanned that happened.

What I want is not right, and whats right is always not easy.

For these 3 months, I have been weighed down a lot by these negative attitude towards my relationship with En. I hestiated as I put down the words "relationship" - Is there any per se?

I found myself denying myself as I put on a front of being 'correct'. It is correct to end this relationship, but is this what I want ? Ever since I decided to let go , I was never happy. I know he will be someone I can never have for good, but to choose not to be with him is not possible. My heart collapsed and that kind of feeling when I saw him - and that I will not be seeing him any more, is torturing.

He send me a message asking me how I was doing - 2 days after he returned from work, but no question his objective is to get me out - but I was still trying - to deny him, and myself , and so were on Saturday night when he send me a "Miss u " message.

Last Thurs, I almost run into him in T2 lobby, and I pretend to look away - and I feel really overwhelmed. I know I failed, completely flopped the temptation. I just got to see him again.

I dunno if I am going to go through the emotional roller coaster again . I think I will, and it will be worst when he decided to call it a day. But at least then, I do not have a choice. It is not within my control, and perhaps, it is easier to let go then, hopefully.

Im seeing him tomorrow. Im totally gone.